The funniest jokes on the net

Three guys go bear hunting, and one guy keeps farting and laughing about it. The other two tell him to quiet down but he keeps farting. They eventually tell him he will fart his guts out if he keeps…

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? Quarter Pounder with Cheese.

How do you get a Kleenex to dance? Put a little boogie in it!

Why fart and waste when you can burp and taste?

When you're neckin' with yer honey And your nose is kinda runny You might think it's funny... But it's not.

How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator? Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie.

Did you hear about the lawyer from Texas who was so big when he died that they couldn't find a coffin big enough to hold the body? They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.

Yo mama's so smelly, she gets sourdough yeast iinfections.

You might be a redneck if last year you hid Easter eggs under cowpies!

Q: Why do men take showers instead of baths? A: Pissing in the bath is disgusting.

Why do women pass less gas than men? Because women don't keep their mouths shut long enough to build up pressure!

Two brothers are getting ready for school. One boy is sitting down, having a bowl of Corn Flakes, the other is frantically looking for an item for show-and-tell. ''I know I put it here somewhere'' h…

You're so ugly, you look at roadkill and it runs away!

You stink so bad you make Right Guard turn left, Speed Stick slow down, Secret obvious, and Sure confused.

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, ''I'll have a pint of blood.'' The second one says, ''I'll have one, too.'' The third one says, ''I'll have a pint of plasma.'' The bartender …

''Mommy, mommy, I don't want to visit grandma today!'' ''Shut up and keep digging, boy.''

What's brown and sits in the forest? Winnie's Pooh.

What's grosser than gross? When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall. What's grosser than that? When you come back an hour later and it's moved up three feet

What did the deaf and dumb kid get for Christmas? Cancer.

Agony: a one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.

What is grosser than gross? When you're kissing Grandma and she slips you the tongue.

How do you know your bartender doesn't like you any more? There is a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary!

What did the maxi-pad say to the fart? You are the wind beneath my wings.

Guy walks into a restaurant. He sits down and this ugly waitress comes over. He then orders a hamburger with catsup and a hot dog. So five minutes later the waitress comes back with a plate with only…

Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore! Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!

There are two flies sitting on a pile of poo. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do ya mind? I'm eating here!"

What's brown and on the piano bench? Beethoven's last movement!

Did you hear about the giant with diarrhea? You didn't?! It's all over town!

One man says, ''You mean they are still together after all that crap?'' The other man says, ''Who?'' First man says, ''Your butt cheeks!''

If I cut off my right butt-cheek, will I be left behind?