Men And Women jokes

  • A Helpful Man
    A man is driving down the road and notices a car in the ditch. He doesn't usually help many people so he drives on by. Then he notices that a pretty woman is the driver so he goes back to help. As …
  • Small Town Justice
    A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. ''But officer,'' the man said, ''I can explain.'' ''Just be quiet!!!'' snapped the officer. ''Or I'm going…
  • Three Men and a Genie
    Three men were walking down a street and found a bottle laying on the side of the road. They picked it up and a genie popped out. The genie said, ''You will each get one wish.'' The first man wi…
  • Squealing Like A Stuck Boyfriend
    A young girl and her boyfriend are driving down the road one day. Her boyfriend suggests that they play road games and that whoever loses has to strip. They play every game known to man and the girl …
  • Don't Listen to Him
    A couple had been married for many years, and their son had gotten old enough to date. One day the boy brought a girl over to diner. The mother was thrilled with her son's choice and couldn't wait for…
  • Two Men and an Egg
    Once upon a time there were two men. One of them has a hen that lays an egg every morning for his breakfast. One morning, the guy wakes up and sees his egg on the other guy's lawn. So he goes over t…
  • Gas Grill
    A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon, they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, ''Hey honey, you're getting fat. Your butt…
  • Stumpy and his wife
    Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but t…
  • Men, Don't Say this at Victioria's Secret
    10. Does this come in children's sizes? 9. No, thanks. I'm just sniffing. 8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind. 7. Mom will love this!!! 6. Oh, the size won't matter, …
  • His and Her Version
    Her version: Oh did I mention or did I not? Well doesn't matter now, I already started talking. Jane came over, while I was having a cup of coffee. I didn't even sugar the coffee. By the way…
  • Men Born With Brains?
    Why are men born with more brains than dogs? So they won't screw your leg at a cocktail party!
  • Tight Skirt, Bus Stop
    One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot h…
  • Man and Life Savers
    Q: What's the difference between a man and a pack of Life Savers? A: The man doesn't come in five different flavors!
  • Scientific Beer Study
    Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, men should reconsider their beer consumpti…
  • Rejected
    These three married couples died and when they got to the pearly gates. St.Peter told the first husband, “I can't let you in. You let alcohol run your life. You even married a girl named Sherry.” Deje…
  • Final Confession
    Brittany was on her deathbed, with her husband Adam at her side. She kept trying to tell him something, but he kept saying, "Shhhh, don't worry now darling, just rest." "But honey," she whispered…
  • The Rules (by Her)
    1. The Female always makes THE RULES. 2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice. 3. No Male can possible know all THE RULES. 4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULE…
  • Men and Driveways
    Q: What do a man and a driveway have in common? A: Lay em' right the first time and they'll stay with you.
  • Crossing a River
    One day three men were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but couldn't figure out how to cross it. The first man prayed to God saying, “Pl…
  • Logic Prevails
    A man had a habit of buying things immediately after reading the ads about the products in the paper. Naturally, his wife was not too happy about it. One day the man read an ad about a sale on steel-b…
  • Secrets of a Successful Date
    Before you leave your house... 1. Put on a little too much cologne. 2. Before you leave home, fill your pockets with mints. When your date says something to you when she's really close, give …
  • Deathbed Confession
    The was a man who had four kids, all gorgeous, except for the youngest one, Craig, who was nothing short of gruesome. While on his deathbed, the husband asked his wife, "Marie, tell me one thing. A…
  • Ladies Laugh Last
    1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. 2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. 3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them…
  • Oil Change
    Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.Drink a cup of coffee.15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly …
  • The Rules
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. The female always makes the rules. 2. The rules can change without notice. 3. Males can't know the rules. 4. If t…
  • License to Kill
    The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists � two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents too…
  • Women's English
    "Yes" = No "No" = Yes "Maybe" = No "I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry "We need" = I want "It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now "Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to …
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