The funniest jokes on the net

Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc I'm having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?" After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well the problem is that the muscles around t…

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality. Recently, she said that as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned in any circu…

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary and those that don't.

Computer Problem Report Form: 1. Describe your problem: ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ 2. N…

God is real, unless declared integer.

Australians are well known to take the groom and go out for a really big night on the town before his wedding. Below are some amusing quotes taken from actual bucks nights..... 1)- We tied him up,…

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about their sons. My son was born on St George's Day," commented the English man. "So we obviously decided to call him George" "That's…

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY Day 180 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY …

The Washington Post recently published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of the winning entries: Abdicate (v.), …

----Intercepted Communication---- From: Bin Laden, Osama To: All AlQuieda Fighters Subject: The Cave Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really come together as…

One day a lady ranch owner decided she needed a helping hand and posted a job advert in the local paper. A Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard a…

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log. "My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf". The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down th…

The Voodoo Penis A business man was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little som…

No probs, here's a joke... Mick and Paul fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money, all together they came to a staggering 50 pence. Mick said 'Hang on I have got an idea' - went to the …

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters and they were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to sen…

TOP EIGHT MORONS OF THE YEAR 1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked Intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million sever…

The Big Dick Mummy takes little Johnny to the zoo. As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection. "What's that, Mummy?" asks the child. "Nothing, Johnny, nothing," says the emb…

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps and one of the aliens addressed it. "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your…

David Beckham decides to try horse riding, even though he has had no lessons or prior experience. He mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a…

An Arizona cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious-looking platter being served …

Did you hear? Bill Clinton stopped playing the sexophone and now he is playing the whoremonica.

Reports are coming in that the "I LOVE YOU" virus is mutating into several stages. Experience has shown that the original virus has now degenerated into the "I like you a lot" virus Next stages …

Here are some of the classic questions that were asked of the Sydney Olympic Committee via their Web site, and answers supplied where appropriate. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have ne…

Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we for…

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Raymond, decide to go on a picnic. So Joe packs the picnic basket with crisps, bottles of cider, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so …

Remember, this is an actual news report on Reuters! REUTERS UK. 10th May 2000, Newsflash: LONDON WOMEN PREPARE BREASTS FOR INCREASED SPRINGTIME DISPLAY Women across the capital celebrated t…

Edward Bulwar Lytton prize The Edward Bulwar Lytton prize is awarded every year to the author of the worst possible opening line of a book. This has been so successful that Penguin now publishes f…

Monica's Diary Entry 1 Dear Diary, I'm so excited! Just got a job as an intern at the White House....and I don't know a thing about medicine. Don't even know what my duties are yet, but I hope it's …

"What to Do with Hotel Soap" The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guest. The hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Time…

This guy decides to have a costume party. He invites all of his friends and neighbors and tells them that they must come to his party in a costume that represents an emotion. So the big day comes, an…