The funniest jokes on the net

An old guy walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of forty-year old cotch.  The bartender, not wanting to give up the good liquo … Scotch is only ten years old!  I specifically asked for forty-year old Scotch." Amazed, te bartender reaches into a lo

ops at a red light. An old man on a Mo-ped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next t him. The old man looks over at the sleek, siny car and asks, "What kind o … lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?" "Because this car c

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants t … e account and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars." The accounts person i … at form?" and the little old lady says, "Cash. I've got it here in this bag..."

rs 25 young hens and one old cock. As the old cock could no longer handle his job efficietly, the farmer b … s it in the pen with the old cock and the hens... Old Cock: Welcome to the farm. We'll wok together towards produc … s far as I know, you a

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane and as such hav … ing at a cafe the little old man says, "Remember the first time I met you over fifty years … ear." replies the little old lady with a grin. "Well, for old time's sake, lets go th

There was a 80 year-old man that married a 21 year-old woman. A year later the woman ad a baby and the doctor came ut and told the old man that he was the father of a 9lb 8oz baby boy. Theold manreplied, “This old motor is still a' running.” Next n

    A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of … you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets."     The president then asked, " … What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $2

n I do for you today? Old woman: It's my husband Doctor. He has been under the weather … he needs sorting out. Old man to wife: What's that? Old woman shouting to husband: Im just telling the Doctor we hav … need a blood sample. Old man

/ Y \ A little old lady went to the grocery store and put the most expensive cat … k-out counter where she told the check out girl, "Nothing but the best for my little kitte … you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the

An old man and an old woman are sitting in a nursing home and the ol man says, ''Ibet you can't guess how old I am.'' The old wman says, ''okay, unzip your pants.'' Te old man unzips is pants and the woman sticks here hand in and pl … ys, ''you'r

or more!" The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order wi … nd one drink. The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in hal … ere thinking. "That poor old couple. All they can afford is one

fternoon but luckily, an old man in a tow truck stopped and offered help. Not knowing the … took the car back to the old man's garage. He looked at the engine and made an estimate o … If you weren't such an old guy, I'd fuck you for the remainder

There was an old couple lying in bed watching TV and a commercial about Viagra … . The next morning the old man got up and hurried to put his clothes on. The old ladyasked what he was doing and he told her that he was goin to the doctor. She sa

eeding. In the car is an old lady who is hard of hearing and her husband. When the troop … what did he say?� The old man speaks up as he says, �HE NEEDS YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE.� … 're from Florida.� The old lady comments, �Heh, what did he sa

e is four. The nine-year-old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the r … om, huh?" The nine-year-old replies, "Nope, not for my mom."  Without thinking, the cashi … ter then?" The nine-year-old responded, "Nope, not for my sister

Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a c … started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the t … r cigarette?" The other old lady said, "It's a condom." "A condom? Where do you get

There was an old couple sitting at a table. The old man said to the old lady,"I remember 50 years ago we were siting at this very tble." The old woman said, "Yes, and we were probably naked as jay birds." The old man said, "Well, what do you say..

A Scottish old timer is talking to a young man in a bar. "Lad, look out the … der? Nooo..." blurts the old man. Then the old man gestured at the bar. "Look here at th bar. Do ye see ho … der? Nooo..." claims the old man. Then the old man points o

A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. Th 7-year-old is expaining that it is high time that the two of them begin … usiastically, the 7-year old says, ''When we go downstairs for breakfast this morning, I'l … ay 'ass'

There was an old lady walking down the streets of New York City, and as she ap … waiting to go in. The old lady asked one of the women, "why are you in line?" The wo … free lollipop." So the old lady got in line for her free lollipop. The c